Beamo and Dingo try their hand at judging movies over the next month based solely off of their trailers using film-releases.com and their film release schedule. This is their conversation, done using AOL Instant Messenger. It was edited only for length and language.
Beamo (9:39:28 PM): ok, so the first upcoming movie is Harry Potter (July 15th)
Beamo (9:39:38 PM): what are your thoughts
Dingo (9:40:15 PM): a movie series i dont give a s*** about
Dingo (9:40:28 PM): i havent seen any of the harry potters
Dingo (9:40:35 PM): so it just looks like more of the same
Beamo (9:41:07 PM): yeah definitely
Dingo (9:41:10 PM): this girl at work today was jumping up and down cuz she was so excited about it
Dingo (9:41:25 PM): and she told me she was going to wear her harry potter tshirt to the midnight release
Dingo (9:41:33 PM): i wanted to slap her in the face
Beamo (9:42:37 PM): haha
Beamo (9:43:04 PM): havent seen any either, so im not too interested
Dingo (9:44:08 PM): did you ever read the books
Beamo (9:44:17 PM): nope, none
Dingo (9:44:22 PM): good man
Dingo (9:44:24 PM): me neither
Beamo (9:44:29 PM): my mom actually didnt let me
Dingo (9:44:35 PM): lol really
Dingo (9:44:38 PM): witchcraft?
Beamo (9:44:40 PM): she thought it was evil or something
Beamo (9:44:41 PM): yeah
Dingo (9:44:49 PM): yo momma crazy
Beamo (9:44:54 PM): like a fox
Beamo (9:45:11 PM): turns out im happy she made that decision for me
Dingo (9:45:28 PM): yeah
Beamo (9:45:45 PM): that and my daily wardrobe
Beamo (9:24:14 PM): The Ugly Truth (July 24th)
Beamo (9:24:26 PM): can be filed under Hollywood Sheep Show
Beamo (9:24:46 PM): where all of the Sheep go and plop down money to watch the movie
Dingo (9:25:26 PM): yeah lol
Dingo (9:25:39 PM): s*** like that will continue to make millions of dollars for all eternity
Beamo (9:26:25 PM): yes
Dingo (9:33:52 PM): Alvin and the Chipmunks: the Squeakuel (Dec 25th)
Beamo (9:34:01 PM): f*** me in the a**
Dingo (9:34:02 PM): a title alone has never made me so furious
Beamo (9:46:13 PM): next, 500 Days of Summer (July 17th)
Dingo (9:46:19 PM): cant wait
Dingo (9:46:41 PM): looks original, really like the two main actors
Beamo (9:47:03 PM): im absolutely horrified of zooey deschanel though
Dingo (9:47:14 PM): lol i thought you were kidding
Dingo (9:47:27 PM): are you just afraid you will fall madly in love with her if you see this
Beamo (9:47:54 PM): yes, and then she will remove my heart from my chest
Beamo (9:47:57 PM): and crap on it
Dingo (9:48:23 PM): you will never meet her though, theres no fear
Beamo (9:48:51 PM): and Third Rock from the Sun kid
Dingo (9:49:05 PM): he's actually a really good actor now
Dingo (9:49:12 PM): but thats still the first thing i think of too
Beamo (9:49:18 PM): he survived that awkward childhood star transition
Dingo (9:49:25 PM): Brick and The Lookout
Dingo (9:49:28 PM): see those joints
Dingo (9:52:02 PM): so are you going to see 500 Days
Beamo (9:52:21 PM): im watching the trailer now, before all i watched was the clip
Dingo (9:52:46 PM): i havent watched anything but the first trailer, i dont want to spoil anything
Dingo (9:52:53 PM): thats how much i want to see the movie lol
Beamo (9:53:57 PM): im actually kinda iffy on this
Beamo (9:54:12 PM): too many indie music references
Beamo (9:54:28 PM): might be a bit pretentious
Dingo (9:54:32 PM): yeah it's definitely really indie
Dingo (9:54:51 PM): but it debuted at Sundance and got amazing reviews
Beamo (9:55:47 PM): i like this new voiceover guy a lot
Beamo (9:55:56 PM): from the trailer
Dingo (9:56:01 PM): yeah me too
Beamo (9:56:11 PM): has a lot of promise
Beamo (9:56:40 PM): if i got anything out of the trailer, it's that im a big fan of the new voiceover guy
Dingo (9:56:45 PM): hahah
Beamo (9:58:16 PM): The Answer Man (July 24th)
Beamo (9:58:19 PM): Jeff Daniels
Dingo (9:58:37 PM): i saw that trailer a while ago
Dingo (9:58:41 PM): i might need to rewatch
Beamo (9:58:47 PM): ill rewatch with you
Dingo (10:01:24 PM): blah
Dingo (10:01:32 PM): ill pass, i really like jeff daniels though
Beamo (10:01:38 PM): typical romcom
Dingo (10:01:50 PM): his answering machine message was funny though
Dingo (10:02:06 PM): "i want to go out with you...F***"
Beamo (10:02:33 PM): the rest of it was for middle-aged sheep
Dingo (10:02:41 PM): yeah
Dingo (10:02:57 PM): gilmore girls lady
Dingo (10:02:59 PM): not a fan
Beamo (10:03:52 PM): anyways, that movie is gonna blow
Dingo (10:03:58 PM): yeah
Beamo (10:03:59 PM): next movie G-Force (Don’t worry about its release date)
Dingo (10:04:03 PM): no comment
Beamo (10:04:06 PM): lets find a gif
Dingo (10:07:11 PM): gforce is so bad it's pretty much not even worth mentioning on our blog
ATTENTION (10:08:21 PM): Transfer complete:
Beamo (10:08:56 PM): i prefer that kind of G-Force
Dingo (10:09:02 PM): haha, yes
Beamo (10:09:08 PM): Orphan (July 24th)
Dingo (10:09:22 PM): i really hate horror movies
Dingo (10:09:44 PM): it has the lady from Departed
Beamo (10:09:59 PM): probably the only decent connection to this movie
Dingo (10:10:39 PM): 6 degrees to a good movie
Beamo (10:10:45 PM): lemme guess, this girl is possessed
Dingo (10:11:20 PM): horror movies have got to find something scary other than little girls
Dingo (10:11:23 PM): god damn it
Beamo (10:11:35 PM): black haired girls
Dingo (10:12:04 PM): yeah
Dingo (10:12:08 PM): mix that s*** up
Beamo (10:12:22 PM): whats scarier than a monotone black haired girl?
Beamo (10:13:39 PM): we need to try and predict the next common scary thing in movies
Dingo (10:14:14 PM): that's the thing, i dont think there will ever be one
Dingo (10:14:26 PM): theyve been doing it for like 30 years
Dingo (10:14:30 PM): since The Exorcist
Dingo (10:14:44 PM): Poltergeist
Beamo (10:14:58 PM): emotionless, soulless children
Beamo (10:16:33 PM): you know what would be kinda scary
Beamo (10:16:37 PM): is like a demon fetus
Dingo (10:16:41 PM): hahah
Beamo (10:16:46 PM): who ravages the inside of his mother
Beamo (10:17:13 PM): luckily though, this fetus has a twin
Beamo (10:17:23 PM): and they battle for their mother's life
Beamo (10:17:27 PM): inside of her womb
Beamo (10:17:31 PM): in 3D
Dingo (10:17:46 PM): the new scary thing for horror movies
Dingo (10:17:48 PM): fetuses
Dingo (10:18:05 PM): then every movie for the next 30 years will feature a haunted fetus
Beamo (10:18:34 PM): i mean that is pretty scary, scarier than black haired girls
Dingo (10:19:02 PM): yeah but how the hell would you make that into a movie
Dingo (10:19:14 PM): would it just show inside the mothers stomach the whole time
Beamo (10:19:22 PM): its just a part of the movie
Beamo (10:19:33 PM): like the first thirty minutes is the fetus escaping from the mother
Beamo (10:19:53 PM): then the rest is the fetus scurrying around and biting people
Beamo (10:20:13 PM): and the final scene is the family dog eating the fetus
Beamo (10:20:40 PM): like "What's the big deal, it was a fetus"
Beamo (10:20:49 PM): when really it WAS a big deal
Beamo (10:21:15 PM): but its just a dog so it doesnt know
Beamo (10:21:39 PM): the movie has to be titled The _____
Beamo (10:21:49 PM): The Ring, The Grudge, The Omen, The Exorcist
Beamo (10:21:52 PM): The Abortion
Beamo (10:22:49 PM): next movie – Shrink (July 24th)
Beamo (10:22:58 PM): Kevin Spacey
Dingo (10:28:23 PM): looks pretty typical
Beamo (10:28:41 PM): file it with Answer Man
Beamo (10:28:51 PM): in fact, this could be a potential comparison flick
Beamo (10:28:56 PM): Answer Man and Shrink
Beamo (10:29:13 PM): two grumpy old advice guys just looking for happiness
Dingo (10:29:35 PM): they give advice on life, when really...theyre the ones who need it the most!
Dingo (10:29:42 PM): typical
Beamo (10:29:49 PM): hahaha oh man
Beamo (10:29:54 PM): how ironic
Beamo (10:34:02 PM): July 31st
Beamo (10:34:10 PM): Aliens In The Attic
Beamo (10:35:03 PM): honestly, I think every child that watches this move will leave it with mild retardation
Dingo (10:35:12 PM): hahah
Dingo (10:50:06 PM): Cold Souls looks really interesting
Dingo (10:50:33 PM): very charlie kaufman-esque
Dingo (10:50:48 PM): i thought for sure he was going to be the head writer for it
Beamo (10:51:42 PM): Giamatti seems like he could replace Nick Cage in adaptation
Dingo (10:52:07 PM): yeah, it's cool he plays himself
Dingo (10:52:24 PM): it's got that Being John Malkovich vibe
Dingo (10:52:27 PM): did you ever see that
Beamo (10:52:42 PM): yeah
Beamo (10:53:42 PM): lmao a naked baby running across an out-of-body-experience dream
Beamo (10:54:07 PM): this goes on my list
Beamo (10:54:25 PM): it does have that mix of real world and fantasy thing that BJM had
Dingo (10:55:08 PM): put that s*** on the list
Beamo (10:55:30 PM): GI Joe: Rise of the Cobra
Dingo (10:55:43 PM): next
Beamo (10:56:20 PM): but Dennis Quaid and Third Rock kid is in it
Beamo (10:56:27 PM): and Marlon Wayons
Dingo (10:56:44 PM): third rock kids first bad choice
Dingo (10:57:02 PM): i havent seen the full trailer, just a teaser before some other movie
Dingo (10:57:11 PM): did you watch the full trailer?
Beamo (10:57:17 PM): i am now
Beamo (10:59:02 PM): Trailer finished
Beamo (10:59:04 PM): Typical
Dingo (10:59:45 PM): pork chop sandwiches
Beamo (10:59:53 PM): Hey kid!
Beamo (11:00:00 PM): Imma computa
Beamo (11:00:05 PM): stop all the downloaadin
Beamo (11:00:33 PM): if they made a live action film of those cartoons i would definitely pay to see it
Beamo (11:00:38 PM): BODYMASSAGE
Dingo (11:00:47 PM): man they should have
Dingo (11:00:54 PM): instead of going for realistic
Beamo (11:01:06 PM): just have fun with it
Beamo (11:01:19 PM): get michael showalter to direct it
Dingo (11:01:20 PM): like brought the characters from all the clips together
Dingo (11:01:32 PM): put them in crazy situations, like Team America
Beamo (11:01:47 PM): i would go to the premiere in LA
Beamo (11:08:11 PM): Paper Heart
Beamo (11:08:34 PM): such a lighthearted event
Dingo (11:08:48 PM): lol
Dingo (11:09:17 PM): lately im becoming more of a sucker for those type of things
Dingo (11:09:23 PM): i guess im getting old
Dingo (11:09:27 PM): or slightly gay
Beamo (11:09:40 PM): or both
Beamo (11:09:45 PM): richard hatch over here
Dingo (11:09:57 PM): just an old gay man who love watching love stories
Beamo (11:10:16 PM): grab some ice cream and blankets and watch some love stories with your pet cats
Dingo (11:10:23 PM): hahah
Beamo (11:10:32 PM): after that, musicals
Dingo (11:10:36 PM): sadly, i can easily see this in my future
Dingo (11:10:40 PM): minus the musicals
Beamo (11:11:01 PM): you see yourself being gay in the future?
Dingo (11:11:10 PM): no, watching movies with my cats
Dingo (11:11:11 PM): lol
Beamo (11:11:21 PM): haha ok
Beamo (11:11:30 PM): i was waiting to hear that explanation
Dingo (11:11:35 PM): lol
Beamo (11:11:39 PM): "I'm too young to be gay, probably just gonna wait"
Dingo (11:11:43 PM): hahah
Dingo (11:12:05 PM): "but who knows....give me 5 years and we'll see"
Beamo (11:12:43 PM): we'll make a movie about you called The Eventual Homesexual
Dingo (11:12:55 PM): lol stop
Beamo (11:13:06 PM): it all begins with Michael Cera films
Dingo (11:13:17 PM): then i get a cat
Dingo (11:13:19 PM): then more cats
Dingo (11:13:26 PM): then i see Cats on broadway
Dingo (11:13:34 PM): then i start dressing like a cat
Dingo (11:13:44 PM): then i start having sex with cats
Dingo (11:13:46 PM): and then men
Dingo (11:14:00 PM): the story of my life
Beamo (11:14:07 PM): im pretty sure thats how most people turn gay though
Dingo (11:14:18 PM): what, buying cats?
Beamo (11:14:20 PM): we'd have to add something in it to be different
Beamo (11:15:10 PM): anyways
Beamo (11:15:26 PM): lets just wait til it happens before we start writing the screenplay
Dingo (11:15:34 PM): yeah, itll be easier
Beamo (11:15:36 PM): too much speculation at this point
Dingo (11:15:58 PM): did you know anyways is not a word
Beamo (11:16:16 PM): no
Beamo (11:16:21 PM): is it anyway
Dingo (11:16:25 PM): yeah
Beamo (11:16:25 PM): or any way
Dingo (11:16:31 PM): anyway, no S
Beamo (11:16:40 PM): i bet that was bothering you
Dingo (11:16:57 PM): lol not really, we just have to be anal about this stuff if we're gonna have a blog
Beamo (11:17:11 PM): enough with the gay talk
Dingo (11:17:14 PM): hahaha
TOP 3 PICKS FOR THE NEXT MONTH:
1) Funny People (Dunno how we didn't discuss this one... it looks great)
2) (500) Days of Summer
3) Cold Souls
If you watch any bad movies this July, don't blame us. We warned you.
Beamo and Dingo. We gone.
